YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Pooping to opera.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
