how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
