I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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