I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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