I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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