if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
