She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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