Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
