Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
