I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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