if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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