This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
