I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
