She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
