Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
