I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
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Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
