The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
