you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
