Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
