i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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