My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
