Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
