Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
