I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
