I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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