a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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