i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
