he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
