While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
