Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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