My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
