Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
