you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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