I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
