If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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