Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
