I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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