we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
