No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
