If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
