everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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