I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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