yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
