Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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