Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
