Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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