The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
