So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
