So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
