he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
