6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
