I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Boobs are out for the taking
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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