please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
