I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
